Answers to Your FAQ’s
Why do you want to adopt?
Children are precious miracles from God and there are so many that are orphaned. We felt very strongly led to start the adoption process.
We would like to give a child a home. We want to add to our family through adoption.
Why don’t you just say that YOU want to adopt instead of saying you feel led?
Everything we do in our lives we believe is orchestrated by God. If we have pure hearts and pure intent, we believe that God leads us in the direction we need to go. Everything we do in our lives is through much prayer and much consideration. We feel that God will be with us through this process.
Why don’t you adopt an older preteen, or child from the U.S.?
We would like to adopt a boy age four or under. Vivian is 6, we want to adopt a child not older than her. Many adoption agencies recommend this and I think that is sound advice.
Why don’t you want to adopt an infant?
It is extremely difficult to adopt an infant. However, at this time in our life, we would prefer to have an older child or a toddler. There are so many out there to be adopted internationally. Many children past the age of 18 months become “unadoptable”. Many have special needs or medical issues that families in America can provide for. Many needs require only a simple surgery that we could provide to a child and give them a better chance at life.
Have you checked out the birthmother open adoptions?
Yes, we have. Again, we do not feel led to adopt an infant.
International Adoption is so expensive, are you doing that because you cannot “find” a child here?
This is a funny question to me. I cannot help but chuckle. I have heard it, yes, I have! We are well aware of the expense of an international adoption. Thankfully, we are able bodied and are trying our best to raise funds through fundraisers that our family can handle. Check them out! We are personally cutting costs and saving every penny we can. Our goal is to raise the home study fee which is $1200. After that we become eligible to apply for grants. Also, the government gives us a one time tax credit the tax year after we bring our child home. So, we are exhausting all avenues…believe me, we are! It is slightly less expensive to adopt in the U.S. Not by much though. Also, since we live in the wonderful country of America, most children are adopted quickly through the foster care system. Kudos to Foster Parents! As mentioned above, the reason for not adopting domestically is due to children being preteen or older. Maybe after we raise our family, we would be in a position to adopt a preteen child, but at present, we are not able to do so 😦
If a child became “available” for adoption domestically, would you adopt them?
Well, of course! We are going through orientation and training classes through the State of Louisiana. We will then be put on a list. If a child becomes available to foster/adopt, we will be offered the chance to foster them for a while. If their custodians are able to care for them again, then the child would go back to live with their custodians. If the child’s custodians could no longer care for the child, then we would be given the chance to adopt. I have been told that the second scenario does happen, but not often. Many times children are adopted by a family member. Kudos to Family Members! We have many wonderful folks who are on the list to adopt ahead of us. I think that is great! So, taking in this fact, and due to feeling very strongly about the Waiting Children/Special Needs program, we decided to also apply for international adoption.
Do you think you will adopt again?
If all goes well, we would like to adopt another precious child. We are going with an agency that has adoption programs in many different areas. So, if the country we apply to does not work out, we are able to apply to another country. We are trusting God to send us the child(ren) that are perfect for our family! We are also looking at sibling groups of two.
Our reasons for adopting, where we are adopting from, what gender/nationality we are adopting, are not easy decisions to make. We will pray every step of the way for God to guide us. We believe that He is with us every step of the way. At present we are applying with the P.R. of China.
I ran across this article. I liked it so much, I had to share it. It helped me. I know a few families who have adopted and I never thought about these questions as being pervasive or offensive, but now that we are adopting, I can see where they can be. I hope I never asked any of them! So, here are some tips on how to handle situations where your family or friends adopt. This is a list of things to avoid saying. Happy reading!
Things that are NOT to be Said to People Who Adopt:
1. How much did she/he cost? (You can ask how much the adoption was, but I think this question is insensitive. Especially in front of the child or in front of biological children)
2. Why did you go and adopt–couldn’t you have your “own” child?
3. Did you buy that baby?
4. Maybe now that you adopted, you’ll have “your own” child.
5. She/He looks nothing like either of you.
6. What are you going to do when she/he looks for their birthparent?
7. Do you know her/his “real” parents?
8. I sure hope he/she fits into your family!
9. Why didn’t his/her real mom want him/her?
10. Don’t even tell him/her they are adopted, they’ll never know.
11. Too bad you had to adopt!
12. Whose fault is it you can’t get pregnant?
13. You’re doing these kids such a favor.
14. S/he is so lucky to have your family instead of his/her own.
15. An older child is damaged goods.
16. She’s your daughter/son?
17. What about your own kids? What do they think about this?
18. She might come from a cursed background.
19. What are you going to do when you have kids of your own?
20. Do you think you love them as much as you could love your real kids?
21. You got kids the easy way you never even had to be pregnant.
22. What if the real parents come back and kidnap them?
What Non-Adoptive Parents Should Know (copied from American Baby.com)
If you’re an adoptive parent, chances are you’ve heard all or some of these questions. Neighbors, strangers, friends, and yes, even family, may mean well, but their remarks can really grate on adoptive families. Often, non-adoptive parents don’t even realize they’re asking intrusive questions. The answers to your questions are going to be framed using these basic points about adoption:
- Adoption is permanent.
- Adoption is a legal change, involving the court.
- Adoption is another good way to create a family.
- Some aspects of adoption are private.
- Most adopted children grow up to be just fine.